Recovery Road

 

Very few times in one's life are they presented with full circle moments. I was blessed to witness one yesterday.

I sat side by side with Matt as we were interviewed for a Mother's Day podcast, broadcasting nationally on behalf of the Recovery Centers of America. Matt was chosen by the national director for alumni relations to ask me to appear with him and tell our story of Matthew's addiction and journey to recovery. Not only from the addict's view, but that of his mother, to give hope to all mothers and families that are in the throes of this disease. It will be released the Friday before Mother's Day. 

As I sat by his side, now the man I always knew he had inside, I was filled with emotion. Remembering that early morning trip to RCA. It was still dark, and the late March Sky was veiled in black. The trees seemed to moan over the road, creating an eerie appearance. I was filled with both gratitude and anxiety. Grateful we were finally making the trip I had prayed for 11 years to begin. Anxiety of the unknown. Would he complete the program, would he remain sobor, would our lives ever be pieced together again? My answer to all of those questions was living and breathing next to me. As Matt spilled the intimacies of his addiction and the part I played in his recovery, my heart skipped a beat. No subject is off limits if he feels it will help just one other person begin their road to sobriety. 

Now when I drive him to work there, the road seems to know the tread of my tires. It rises up before us with promise and hope. It beckons us to believe, that a sober life is greater than one can imagine. As Matt points out, helping others reach that point and continue that journey, feeds his soul. It gives him the courage every day to not give in to the disease that once covered him in the futility of his addiction. His face garners a smile as he speaks of the patients he serves. He has in him a vitality I have never seen, a mission of his 12th step. 

That phenomenal circle of addict, recovery, and mentor. Then I was asked what I could have done different when Matt was abusing alcohol. I had to think. Many had told me to throw him out of the house. But I didn't, I couldn't. What if he was killed or lost, I needed to know he was safe at home each night. For a minute I questioned that decision as I was justifying it. The denial. Oh, the denial! Our little family secret that wasn't so secret. I didn't tell anyone. I thought it would be a direct reflection of my parenting. Somehow, we must have driven him to this. But, we hadn't. Because it is a disease. And then Matt chimed in, she couldn't have done anything different. She did what she needed to do. But through it all, she loved me and supported me. She still does, every day. Ah, that full circle. My eyes welled with tears. Tears of pride, tears of love, but most of all, tears of thanksgiving.

That road will develop potholes we will need to navigate. That road will become worn with time and need to be renewed. But one thing for certain, that road will always lead to the promise of recovery and rebirth. A road often traveled.