A House is Not a Home

 What makes your house a Home? Have you ever thought about losing your home? What would that mean to you? Today I talk about my own heart wrenching experience of change and redemption centered around the core of my Home. Sometimes, maybe you just live in house, not a home.

A House Is Not a Home 

 

I recently had the opportunity to contemplate this seemingly contradictory statement. Really, what is the difference?  When you look up synonyms for house This is what appears;  

 home, 

place of residence, 

homestead, 

lodging place, 

a roof over one's head, 

habitation, 

residence, 

dwelling, 

dwelling place, 

abode 

The very first synonym that appears is home. But simply put, A house is not a home. A house is mortar and beams. An inanimate object, a noun. A home, however, is filled with the love of people within it. Joy and laughter permeate the walls like paint, splashing them with the color of a family. In turn, memories are collected like unspoken stories, forever living inside. Home is a verb. 

I can't help but look back on all of the places that I have lived, and how they evolved into a home. My childhood homes, the answer is obvious. It is where I lived with my family. Where my parents instilled Faith and values into my vocabulary. It is where I felt safe and loved. (There goes that word love again) But it is impossible to speak of a home without speaking of love.  

 

 Luther Vandross croons;  

“I am not meant to live alone, turn this house into a home. When I climb the stairs, and turn the key, please be there, saying that you're still in love with me.”  

 

His soulful voice articulates what we all feel. We all need to be loved at our core, and our home is paramount to that.  

Not very long ago my home was threatened. Every part of me was shattered. My husband fell into a deep depression as I worked to protect him and the place, we had lived in for 13 years. When we moved into the house due to my husband's chronic, incurable disease, financially we were unable to purchase it, and found ourselves in a rental agreement. Mitigating circumstance, had left our bank account drained despite my working two jobs. We had sold the home we had raised our children in when he became sick, and this was the second rental we had fallen into. The previous property we rented had become a victim of foreclosure due to the owner's shady business practices. So, we were thrilled to find this house at very short notice. Not wanting to become too attached until we had our sea legs, we cautiously began our nesting process to make our new house a home.  

We had made no secret with the owner, who was also our next-door neighbor, we ultimately wanted to purchase the house and put our stamp on it. During the ensuing years we treated the house as if we did own it! We made several improvements including finishing the basement to create two more bedrooms, a family room and full bath. When our daughter was going through a divorce, our house was her safe haven. Consequently, our granddaughters grew up there. We brought the youngest, Ella Grace, home from the hospital to that house. Many nights I would come home after working the PM shift, and she was just beginning to stir. Ashley would feed her, then hand her to me to hold her until she fell back asleep. Ashley and I had many heartwarming conversations during those early months of Ellas' life. I wouldn’t trade those late-night moments for a million dollars.  

 

The back of the pantry door chronicled the girl's growth history with a sharpie and dates. All of this and so much more turned this house into our home.  

Three years ago, we entered into an option to buy agreement with the owner, feeling this would be a good time to finally realize the dream of making our home ours. The agreement outlined that we would give a separate check of $400 each month over and above our rent to go into an escrow account that we would realize at closing. That money would go towards the down payment and closing cost. The only caveat to that agreement was the seller/owner would get to keep that money if we were unable to close on the house in the allotted time. 

When the new year was upon us, I contacted a mortgage company and began working with them. They in turn put us in touch with a credit repair company. After years of medical bills and inability to work my husband’s credit report contained many errors and accounts that were not valid. For months we worked on that as well as establishing credit for me. In June, we paid $3000.00 in earnest money and signed the purchase agreement all on the advice of our mortgage company. Our attorney was told things were going as planned. We had no reason to suspect otherwise.  

In August they pulled the credit report for final underwriting. There were still items in dispute on Doug’s report that either needed to be removed or paid. We certainly were not going to pay for accounts that were not ours, and it was clear we needed an extension to the contract. The owner would not accept that. You see, he knew all along if we didn’t meet that deadline, he could keep all of money, which now totaled over $20,000.00 and sell the house for $75,000.00 more than he had agreed to sell it to us for three years ago. 

I got the call while I was at a friend's lake house with three of my high school friends for a girl’s weekend. I could no longer keep it inside of me as I had a very real watershed moment. My incredible friends surrounded me, prayed for me, and created a cocoon of peace around me. But now I had to drive home and tell Doug we had to find somewhere else to live.  

To say I was anxiety stricken was an understatement. As I pulled into the driveway, my well-rehearsed synopsis was lost somewhere between the car and the back door. His eyes grew sullen as I recounted the conversation, I had with our credit repair counselor. I felt like I had been gut punched. Everything we knew as ours was gone along with$20,000.00 of our money we had struggled to save. 

But something like a miracle happened in our lives. God graciously took us into his arms and guided us to our new home. First, he allowed me to emotionally distance myself from the house. I knew everything that made the house a home I was bringing with me. My family, the memories, and all of the love that was poured into it would overflow at our new address. That was a huge hurdle. Without that, I would have never been able to pull up my bootstraps and proceed with life at hand. 

We were then graciously bestowed with generosity from every corner of our lives. This came in the form of prayers, verbal support and even financial gifts – something I never expected! When it came to moving day and the preceding week, friends helped pack, move and unpack.  

We found a beautiful townhouse that I am absolutely in love with. I feel safe and secure here. Everything is brand new as it is only 2 years old. No lawn work, no snow removal, no worries.  

I know that the other owner deep inside is a very unhappy man. His god is money, and he worships it regularly. Our old house was built in 1952 and had many things that could regularly go wrong with it, expenses we have been spared. 

As difficult as the lesson was, I truly believe we are in a better place. That House is no longer a home, perhaps in some ways it never was.  

Teri Carlson