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Sweet Mary

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  Sweet Mary I passed the Hospice where I said goodbye to you. It stands stoic and silent against an unlikely back drop. I can still see your face, your beautiful face that very last day. It had a light around it, cloaked in a celestial opus. You looked more beautiful than I had ever seen you. Do you think God gave me that final glimpse so I could see heaven? You were so peaceful, and I knew in my heart that God had already called your name. I stood by your bed in that mere magnificence and cried. I cried for joy that you would finally be at rest. You would bathe in that light. You would see your sister, your mom and Dad and maybe even my parents. You would live where the sky meets the earth and command the sunrise and sunset. And, I cried for myself, how much I miss you. I loved that I was able to spend all of that time with you - driving you, sitting with you and talking to you. You filled a part of my heart I never knew was empty. Such a gift you were. Not just a cousin but a confid
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Misery, God and the Laundry Basket

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 This morning as I grappled with my miseries, I couldn't help but think about the laundry basket full of fresh cleaned clothes that awaited me. Indeed, they certainly were not going to fold themselves. In my mind, it was just another stressor added to my long list of painful things that kept me up at night. How I dreaded not only folding them but hanging them as well. Perhaps in some ways I had no one to blame but myself. My procrastination had now taken center stage as the basket burst forward with a mountain of clothes. I had put off doing the laundry for a few days, and in that time, it seemed as though it tripled. Maybe I could blame the fact that I had a high-capacity washer, so I could leave my chores for a later date, knowing I would be able to stuff every last piece in that unsuspecting appliance and they would always come out clean. Ahhh but truth be known, I, indeed, had no one to blame but myself, adding to my misery.  And so, I set out to begin my insurmountable task, o
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Coach

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 I think for the first 20 years of my marriage, I had a great deal of resentment towards my father-in-law.  He was by all measures a wonderful man, but I felt in many ways, his grandchildren took a backseat to his happiness. And yet, the irony of it all, I also believe that other than my husband, he understood me the best.  I will explain. After his retirement, he devoted most of his days and nights to the local high school and its sports program. It would seem logical since before that he had lived his life through his children's sports. An incredibly attentive parent in that regard, he coached them, encouraged them, and dreamed with them from T-ball through the entirety of high school. His breath was measured by the smell of a fresh cut baseball field. His heart beat to the pounding of shoes racing up and down a basketball court. And his eyes came alive with the lights of a Friday night football game. It was far more than his passion; it was his life.  So why would I resent this?
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A Laundry Conversation

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  God speaks to you when you least expect it. Today it was while I was doing the laundry. Prayer of Peace Like a petulant child, A tantrum for your truth. The river that yearns for the sea, Your light contains me. The anticipation of a child reading their first word May your words encompass my very heart. A bird who flies about the moon sculpting a nest Let the Spirit find rest within my soul. Then I shall stand bold and strong in a place known only to you and I, It will be sacred, steeped in Grace, held in splendor by my Creator. Teri Carlson
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Where Did Christmas Go ?

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 I always become a bit melancholy in the days directly after Christmas. Some might say that isn't unusual most feel an anticlimactic let down. But mine goes much deeper. Of course, I am sad that after months of preparation the day seems to come and go, like a quick summer storm that disappears back into the clouds from which it came. My heart almost aches as I walk through the stores with sale signs cascading the picked over shelves. It's as if December 25th is a distant memory the day after it dawns. Even now driving down the street (December 28th), I have seen any number of Christmas trees cast off to the curb. Why do people insist on erasing any trace of this beautiful day? Theologically the Maji are still tracking their journey to meet the newborn king.  Yes, I can still hear the squeal of my youngest granddaughter when she opened the Barbie she wanted. The sparkle in her eyes will light my dreams for months. Or my youngest grandson's smile when he saw the collection of
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Curve Balls and Spring Rain

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  Like a curve ball that doesn’t make it across home plate, or a Spring without rain, we are sometimes left to wonder whether God has heard our prayers. Often people imagine a Santa like figure in heaven keeping track of who has been naughty or nice. But reality is our God is ever knowing, he doesn’t need to keep track! More like a patient parent waiting for you to come willingly to him with your pain, God is doing the same. I remember when I was very young and would pray. I would pray for ridiculous things and expect them to appear as if it were magic. Afterall, if blind men could see and the lame could walk, what was a little Barbie doll appearing in my room? And that   was how my immature mind thought of God, like a magician. One night I knelt next to my bed and began to pray out loud as my parents made their way upstairs. I don’t remember my exact words but ended it by saying I was in awe of God and his magical ways. My mother turned white as my dad’s teeth dropped. This went a
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A Life I Never Knew I Needed

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Yesterday I thought a lot. I thought about my life, where I am, where I have been, even what may be ahead of me.  When I talk to my friends who married later and had an entire lifetime it seems before they even said I DO, it makes me wonder how things may have been for me had I not gotten married at 20. I imagine a glamorous life, living in the city, working at a huge teaching hospital and catapulting my career there. Spending weekends out on the lake, having my own apartment, and carrying out the life few dare to dream. Whether that would have been the reality of it, I rather doubt. But, as so many say, the grass is always greener.  The fact of the matter is that I am the sum of my journey, however mundane or exciting it may seem. I completely own all of the joys and all of the losses. And by most people's estimation, it has turned out to be a blessed life. I firmly believe that God has predestined my journey, and it is my ministry in life to write about it. Not just write about i
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