Rooted Hearts

  Heaven's Door The sky opens heaven's door birds fly in sacred score. The moon will pour a path to Grace I will Follow..... Your name my only song prayer melting into words. Voices silent nevermore I will follow...... Cover me in your divine wrap me in the immortal So I might reach a soul despair. All I ask is you to follow......

  Sometimes in life the answer falls right on your lap. Questions you may have for God are answered in powerful ways, but you must always keep your eyes open!  I carefully walked to my car after my appointment with a neurologist today. The news I had received sat in me like oatmeal on a hot day. Finding out that all of the neurological symptoms I have been having this past year are due to the chemotherapy I take to keep my breast cancer in remission. Among these, a degenerative nerve disease that will continue to progress, I will never return to my old self. I have already given in and use a cane, which for me is subtle reminder of the limitations I already have. The neuropathy I have can only be helped by Gabapentin, which helps with the shooting pains, but does nothing to heal the already dead and damaged nerves that have taken away much of my mobility. The Letrozole coupled with a B12 deficiency have had a feast with my nerves.  And so, as I sunk into th...

 Grieving is a personal act. Done so utterly close to our heart, no one could ever know the depths to which it goes. And so it was with Doug and I in the fall of 1987.  He entered the world silent. Like a thunderstorm that had finally ended, with the peacefulness of a soft rain, gentle but sure. Not meant for this world, his soul broke softly away to heaven. My arms were left empty, my heart was barren. I long to hold him as much today as I did in 1987. I longed to smell the freshness of a newborn after a bath. To run my hands across his face, count his fingers and toes, gaze into his beautiful eyes, or sing him a lullaby.  So many found it hard to understand. They would express condolences or awkward platitudes. They were all done with the best of intentions, but how could they know? Things like that aren't discussed in pick up lines or grocery stores or even in the sacred halls of a church. It's simply implied, there must have been a reason. Maybe there was, but the pai...

  Very few times in one's life are they presented with full circle moments. I was blessed to witness one yesterday. I sat side by side with Matt as we were interviewed for a Mother's Day podcast, broadcasting nationally on behalf of the Recovery Centers of America. Matt was chosen by the national director for alumni relations to ask me to appear with him and tell our story of Matthew's addiction and journey to recovery. Not only from the addict's view, but that of his mother, to give hope to all mothers and families that are in the throes of this disease. It will be released the Friday before Mother's Day.  As I sat by his side, now the man I always knew he had inside, I was filled with emotion. Remembering that early morning trip to RCA. It was still dark, and the late March Sky was veiled in black. The trees seemed to moan over the road, creating an eerie appearance. I was filled with both gratitude and anxiety. Grateful we were finally making the tr...